Karen: You borrowed one tassel? For what?
Jack: Lets just say a lamp....
Jack: I'm not gonna lie to you kare, my hairs never looked better, but am i a good dad? i want so bad for elliot to like me but i don't know if he does."
Karen: well honey... you know if you want people to like you, you have to buy them things.
Jack: Karen! That is so superficial!
Karen: Honey, why do you like me?
Jack:..wwwwell what do you think I should get him?
Jack: He thinks you're a man...
Karen: He thinks I'm a 10!
Karen: Knock, knock, anybody homo?
Jack: I am, I am!!
Karen: Oh my God! Is it a yetti?!
Jack: Nope, single white female, with a teracotta wrench.
Karen: Come on honey, theres a new sales girl at Barney's and we've gotta get her fired, shes got a gray tooth."
Karen: Oh Jackie, don't you love our RoRo? Lets tickle her!!
Jack: I heart prison!
Karen: Okay, rule number one: unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.
Karen: Grace, I thought we talked about the beret. Patty Hearst couldn't even pull one off and she had money and a gun.
Karen: Watch your mouth, or I'll wash it out with cheap vodka.
Karen: Smitty... whats it all about? Oh wait, I don't give a crap!
Karen: She sent me to work today with a juice box. I guess that means Mason went to school with a thermos full of Stoli.
Jack: You know what? Who needs brains when you can lick your own eyebrows.
Karen: Y'know what those rocks need? A little scotch.